The Eye of Patrick

Japan.

That one word more or less sums up my life at the moment, it is the thing that motivates me and the thing that scares me the most in life. I feel like someone who is both nervous and excited at the same time. I have not felt this feeling in a long time, it tingles all over my body, a sense of being a live. So many times in the past week or so i just say Japan, Japan and Japan, hoping somehow that each time i say it that it will become ever much more real to me, but that has failed to materalize and i am still left with a sense that this is a dream of some sort, that i will wake up from my dream and realize i am in the comforts of my bed in my place of comfort Canada.

That concept there has been running through my head a lot lately, i mean there is a small part of me that says i should not go, that I much prefer a place of comfort, and for sure Japan is not comfort yet (though most likely will be) so why am i going. Then i realized there is two parts of me, there is the part me that i love and that is the person willing to take risks and go out on a limb and explore the world, it is the person who made me go to Ontario to study, rather back to the comforts of Canada, the person who 2nd year said i am not enjoying my economics major, i will just switch majors half way through my 4 year degree, even though i am going abroad, each decision at the time can perscieved to be an risky one, as they each provided a opportunity for failure or heart break, but they did not, they make me proud. Now i think Japan is my greatest risk, because it is so different then what my past would lead you to expect of me, it was always assumed i would go to England for exchange, i had planned that since i was a young one. I would study in London and after i visted it the feeling grew stronger and stronger, but then the strangest thing happen, i met some people from Asia, (yes you my friends) and you helped to reshape my opinon of the world, you open a new world to me, Asia was not just that place west of the dateline, but a lively and diverse region of many people, it was my friends who made me comfortable to think about going to Japan…

and as the seed as planted it surely began to grow, firstly through music. I know Ayumi Hamasaki is probably not the creme du crop of Japanese culture, but it is her that i credit for a bit of my interest in Japan, i mean from her i added more artists to my list of groups that i enjoy, such as Amuro Namie, Utada Hikaru, etc, and as a result i heard a new sound of music, that was different from the tradation music that i had been listening to, i have outgrown hamasaki in the span of my 2 year love affair with Japan, but i can look back fondly on her effect on my life. She is like a childhood show that as a kid you enjoy greatly, but as you grow up, you probably still enjoy it, but it is a different enjoyment…. it is one of fond rememberence for your past….

I do no tknow… what happened after that… i have a strong interest in Japanese poltiics and as result i supported Kozumi at the start of his rise to power, i thought he could come to be that person who could breath life into the decaying (sorry strong word) spirit of Japan… i am always sad to see Japan and how they don’t have the hope for the future that can be felt else were in the world like Canada or USA or even Brazil, because i truely think Japan is an amazing country, and that they are a great people (not any more great then any other) who should be proud of themselve, and have hope, it is this lack of hope that will only make things worse… so i hope for the strengh of the japanese spirit!

What else… i think that is more or less me at the moment, i should may be recap what i have done so that a year from today i can look back on it and remember how much i have changed or grown….

Oh i am getting ready to cross the date line!!!! hehe first time to do that…

I have been on a long long trip to get to Japan, i left friday at 1:55 pm from Rio de janeiro Airport, and i had to wait in Sao Paulo for like 4-5 hours, not sure… i spent 1 hour of that using the internet, vey expensive like 10 dollars a hour… then i went and watch the opening cermonies for the olympics, or atleast the two countries i care about at the moment, Japan and Canada ehhe… i was so happy to see them, as i started watching the cermonies late, was worried i had missed them. It was confusing as they were not going in order based on alphabit, but some other order i have no idea hehe…. So yah… i went and looked around, did not see much… bought the Finanical times, again expensive… but that was ok… then i got on the flight to Sao Paulo… and look with dread to the future…. hehe… 20 plus hours of flying is not something i truely look forward too, but that is the reality of it… and i thought to myself… imagine i had to take a ship or something…that would be horrible hehe… I sat beside a Brazil women who was returning to canada to see her husband, she was in Brazil waiting for the documents to clear… and now she was going back… i understand how she feels, and i told her about how i was looking forward to see Mariko… and we talked more and more… in english and portuguese, which was fun… hehe though my portuguese was much worst then her english, though both of us said we only spoke the others language in small amounts… that provided good enjoyment for a bit of the flight…

then… i went to sleep, but i was unable to seleep as i felt restless… and so i kept on waking up, i could not wait for that flight to end you know… (i think we crossed date line now) as the seats were not that great…. and the food was ok at best… but we landed in Toronto and we had to take a bus to switch terminals, as they are still building the new airport… i went to the business lounge and relaxed, and chatted too… which was great as it killed a lot of time, and i truely enjoyed my chat… (4h:51min to go) the i rushed to the bus, as i spent more time chatting then i should…